“For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called”. (NRSVCE)
Feature image: xoquinntographer
Today you will see posts about couples expressing love for their partners, single’s appreciation day, self-love, anti-valentine, bitterness, the demystification of side chicks or, what ever! Now, I am not a fan of the celebration of Valentine but, I am an admirer of glorifying and celebrating love, especially black love. In summary, I do not believe that Valentines day is the one day individuals should express their utmost gratitude or appreciation for their partner, but, I digress.
While we celebrate a day of love we should, also, recognize single-hood.
First, it is important you single beauties and enthusiasts know my background before reading my taste of living single.
I am what the universes calls a serial monogamist. Since the ripe age of 15, I have maintained long term relationships, 3 to be exact. Every time a relationship ended, I would go 8 months or less being single and enter the next. Thus, I have never truly been SINGLE. Meaning, I truly did not know Shirley, without Ti Jean, Pablo, and Ti Pierre.
To dig deeper, my last relationship was the longest and most trying of all my relationships. In this relationship I was the most emotionally available, the most connected, and the most in love. I lived for we and not me. In this relationship, I learned I gave my all to a man who was no longer prepared for a woman who gives her all.
The third time was, definitely, the charm. So, this time around, I decided to give being single a chance.
For no more than a year now, I have been single. And this, yes you guessed it, is my first Valentine being single in the last 5 years. As I live through my journey of self rather than my partner and I, I am in the season of my singlehood where I am:
Embracing the Single Life
Society has made singleness something like a disease. In singleness, women seem to involved in the feeling of unworthiness, loneliness, sexless nights, while on the path of finding the “right” man.
3-months into my journey, there was a shift. A shift from self-pity to goal setting and dismissing my failed relationship. I realized:
More seasons lie ahead
Dating will not go out of style; relationships will not become extinct. Do not rush your life to fit in with the rest of the crowd. Just as it takes time to build a solid base in a relationship, it is just as time-consuming to build yourself to a better version; a stronger version.
While considering the time, do not let single just be your status, let it be a time, a period, a season of discovering yourself. Redefine single and turn it into a mindset where you choose what being single means to you.
Within 6-months of my journey, I realized that I let my relationship trump my relationship with my loved ones. More importantly:
Romantic relationships are unreliable and make you lose out on valuable familial bonds and friendships.
Relationships make you neglect your loved ones (family and friends). Now, you have more time for them. Rebuild those relationships as they become the most important shared bonds when you are single and going through this journey
In my, now, 9-month journey, I am more connected with being the “right” woman, the woman I love and need to be in order to be in a relationship that is based on an agreement of my partner and I terms. While others take singleness as a chance to find the right partner:
Singleness should focus more on self and your comfort with your entire being
Do not let the power of romantic relationships dictate your sense of self-worth. Be selfish in this season of self-discovery. You journey is not about having a partner. It is about becoming the best teammate.
As I continue through my journey of singlehood I neglected one part of my being. Nearing the 12-month marker of singleness I am learning:
You have to love yourself before you can love others.
Take care of yourself.
As cliche as that quote may be, you have to learn to love yourself. That starts with taking care of yourself. Relationships and life tend to make us neglect ourselves. Now that you are thinking of yourself; for yourself; take care of yourself. Whether this be achieving your fitness goals or living the life of eating what you love, take care of yourself.
To my single beauties this Valentine’s Day, do not rush your singlehood in order to fill the power of romantic relationship and the opinions societies has set forth. These #goals are a mirage of less than half of the world, while you are in another. This is a time to focus on you, focus on discovering who you are, what you want, and how you want to be when you find that person you are ready to be the “right woman” for.