“Gason se chen/men are dogs” or “Gason se alimet, ti fi se gazolin/ Men are lighters, women are gas” -Mom
“Be careful who you date” she said; “ESPECIALLY HAITIAN MEN!” This was my first warning about dating Haitian men!
In general, relationships are complex. Choosing to date a man in your race or outside of your race adds to the complexity of a relationship. I’ve experienced both dating worlds and they are, in their entirety, different. And, dating a Haitian man is…
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.. STRESSFUL, to say the least.
Foremost, this is not a representation of an entire population. This is solely based on my experiences and opinions. Lastly, I am not writing to degrade Haitian men. I am simply noting what grinds my gears about Haitian men.
Haitian men are…
I am a rebel at heart, thus, I do what I want; when I want; however, I want. Unfortunately, that is difficult for the Haitian men I date.
Controlling and possessive can be used interchangeably. At first it may seem cute because it reaffirms his love for you. It may even make you feel as if you are all he wants, his “one and only”. However, Haitian men need to control the relationship or as many may say, “wear the pants”. He is authorized to keep tabs on your cell. Shit! Your life! He can go through your messages, your social media, and your emails whenever he wants.
Also, they need to know your, every, move. This is cute until it becomes possessive. Suddenly, you cannot do anything without him. He expects you to spend most of your time with him and less time with your friends, unless he is there. Typically, the reasoning behind these actions are because he loves you or cares about you. However, it is a defensive mechanism to mask his possessive character.
I know! You are probably saying every man is jealous. This is true, however, Haitian men take it to a whole other level.
Their jealousy can appear to be flattering in the beginning. Overtime it is overwhelming. Think of everything a jealous person does but add the fact that Haitian men are suspicious of everyone. To them, your friends can not just be your friends, especially your male friends. Matter-of-fact, the existence of male friends worry him. Even talking about other men or your male friends may irritate him. If you glorify others relationships, it harbors frustration, even anger. Beyond anything else, Haitian men are paranoid. So, they will question and accuse you of being inappropriate with other men, cheating, lying, flirting, and what ever more floats around in their mind.
Using these words interchangeably, Haitian men make everything about themselves. Typically, everything is “me” instead of “we”. Actually, the world revolves around him and not you. He enjoys playing the victim. You may be hurt by something he says to you, somehow, he will turn it around and make your pain a personal attack of his character. This is when he exclaims that you do not care enough about him or that you have not done enough for him. Basically, using pity ploys in order to manipulate you. When it comes to support, he needs it all. When he is tired, you are expected to let him sleep. When he has a headache, you must nurse him back to health. However, this support is not reciprocated. There is the assumption that you can handle it; that you can take care of yourself just as you have taken care of him.
Haitian men are not the women hating misogynist, they are on the lighter portion of the misogyny spectrum.
They are open to the women who are trying to have “their own” and seeking careers. They say, chase that career, but remember your place in the home. In the home you are cooking diri, sos pwa, ak legume for them to indulge in after a long day of work. Also, they expect you to be that housewife ki lavé slip blan and take care of your children. Mind you, this is your simple Haitian man, the more Americanized Haitian man. The “others” do not expect you to have a career what so ever. You belong in the home entirely. Push away your pursuits of education and becoming a career woman. From the minute he takes the relationship serious, you are “like” his wife and must perform your wifely duties, even though you are his girlfriend 😒. You know, misogyny.
Cheaters and Liars
It is difficult making these two a separate entity considering Haitian men typically lie about cheating on their partner.
Through my experiences in dating, Haitian men deserve the Heart-breakers Certificate of Recognition. They are serial womanizers. Which explains why they are notorious for cheating. They are great at lying to you about the love they have for you. They wake you up with “good morning beautiful”, while serenading sweet nothings to another woman on the phone. They say, “good night my love” while pillow-talking with another woman every night.
I would love to dedicate the post to telling you why, but, I am at a lost for the explanation more than you are. The general reasons why most people cheat is obvious. To alleviate your concern, I will say Haitian men seem to do it because the other woman is readily available.
Mwen renmen gacon Aysisyen, men… I loathe this about them. They are possessive and controlling, egotistical and selfish, misogynistic, cheaters and liars, and jealous. Despite these few negative characteristics, they can be–and I say this loosely–great.